Torn: I Dont Need You, But I Want You Read online

  While chopping it up today, he told me about this broad from his past he’d run into, and he’s been kicking it with her for the past six months. I never told him about me and Sharon, and I feel real bad about it, but it’s just too complicated now with Tavia in the picture. I have no idea where Sharon’s crazy, Bible-Scripture-quoting ass is either.

  “Son, one day, I hope for you to meet this young lady; she’s a sweetheart,” he said.

  “I would like that,” I replied.

  “Just try not too much; I’ll forewarn you. Mother Nature sure has been good to her, if I do say so myself,” he joked.

  “What do you know about that pops?” I questioned.

  “Seriously, I honestly didn’t expect her to give me the time of day. I thought she hated the sight of me. There are things I did in my past to her and my family that I’m not proud of,” he said, staring out of the window.

  “No need to explain, pops. We are all a work in progress, and have made decisions and choices we aren’t proud of,” I replied.

  “All I want to do is make amends with the people I’ve hurt. It would mean a lot to me, especially to my daughter. You have a sister I want you to meet and I know she will adore you.”

  “That’s what’s up, pops. One day at a time, we will get there,” I said, hugging him.

  “I will do my damnedest to make it up to her and prove to her I am a changed man,” he said as a single tear escaped his eyes.

  Chapter Forty-Three ~ Bernard’s Tangled Web

  I officially hate life. I am in over my head with no help.

  This doesn’t work. I am in too deep.

  — Unknown Quotes

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  There haven’t been any changes in my boy D’s condition. I am not sure if that’s a good or bad thing right about now. On a positive note, I was able to have him moved to St. Luke’s Hospital. I trust that place a lot more than Killer Winthrop, where he was originally admitted. Also, when I was there the other day, I held his hand while talking to him, and it felt like he lightly squeezed my hand. The nurse said it’s possible and that made my day. The shit that got to me was his tear-stained face. He had dried-up tears by his eyes, and that ate away at me for a couple days. This can’t be how the story ends; my boy has to pull through.

  One thing for sure, Latavia is going to make me put my foot in her ass. She hasn’t been seen or heard from, and my boy is hanging on to his life by a thread. On everything I love, if D doesn’t pull through, when I find her, neither will she. Whatever it was they were fighting about prior to the accident should have been obsolete as soon as shit went from left to right. He is her husband, for God’s sake. These bitches these days don’t know a good thing until it knocks them the fuck out. No, I am not saying this just because that’s my boy; he went out of his way to do right by her. He won’t even give another woman the time or day because Latavia has his nose wide open.

  After coming back from checking on D the other day, I got back to the job and went through the file Martinez had left for me. The contents of that folder fucked me up as soon as I opened it. Guess whose picture was staring back at me? Mahogany, also known as Sharon Braxton. I knew her face looked familiar, but I couldn’t place it at the time. Just my luck, the hoe I’m fucking could be the prime or a key suspect in all of this.

  Since meeting Mahogany—or Sharon or whatever the fuck her name is—over a week or so ago, we have been spending quite a bit of time together. There is just something different about her. She is unique and different from any other woman I have ever been with. The main thing that got me is she hasn’t been with any other man other than her ex-husband. I respect that shit a lot. With that being said, she wanted me to beat it up, but I did the opposite. I slow grinded the fuck out of her. It was so tight, just pulling me in, making me want to be as gentle as possible with her.

  We have plans to meet for lunch today in a few, but before I spend another second with her, I have to confront her and she’d better be up front with me. That’s my word!

  “Good afternoon, handsome,” she greets as I sit down in Friday’s.

  Cutting to the chase, I slide the folder over to her which contains a picture of her and Braxton.

  “Let me explain, Bernard,” she petitions.

  “Please do,” I reply.

  “Braxton and I haven’t been together in years. I told you we are divorced because we are in the process of doing so,” she explains.

  “What I want to know is what do you know about the accident?” I question.

  “Excuse me? What accident, Bernard?” she asks.

  “Officer Darnell Carter’s accident, the one who’s married to Latavia Carter.”

  “I swear to you, this is the first I’m hearing of this. I have no idea what you’re talking about!” she cries.

  “Are you telling me the truth?” I ask.

  “Yes; I have no reason to lie to you,” she replies.

  Lunch turns out perfectly after we get the preliminaries out the way. She informs me that Braxton’s deceased mother left him another house somewhere in Connecticut. However, she was kept in the dark as to the location or the physical address of the house.

  ‘I am almost positive that is where he and Latavia are hiding,’ I think.

  Before leaving Friday’s, I assure Sharon I will help her take that bastard for everything he has or is thinking about having. She expresses her gratitude by quenching her thirst, swallowing another round of my unborn seed in the back seat of my truck.

  Chapter Forty-Four ~ Latavia’s Romantic Evening

  Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drub. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it.

  — Fran Lebowitz

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  I really hope Nae and Darnell are happy with one another. How long did they plan on keeping up their little charade? I see now it was meant for me to run into BK at Duane Reade, meet up with him at Dunkin Donuts, then allow him to have his way with me at Elite Too. Had none of that taken place, I would still be in the dark about those two sneaky bastards. Thank God, I found out now because I have my BK to go through it all with me. He said I didn’t have to go back to work; he will take care of me. Right now, I need a break. I will make sure to have papers drawn up requesting Nae’s nasty ass to buy me out of the company. Oh yes, I will be contacting my attorney within the next couple of weeks to get this in motion.

  In the meantime, I have a fabulous romantic evening planned for this sexy stallion of a man. Since BK has never been to Italy, I was thinking about bringing Italy to him my way. I already asked him to stop by Blockbusters on his way home and pick up Roman Holiday. There’s plenty of wine in this place, which means the only thing left to do is to order pizza and attempt to make some gelato. Hopefully, he has the ingredients in here, considering he keeps the cupboards and refrigerator packed like a grocery store. I’m almost certain I can make it happen. If I’m correct, all I need is two cups of milk, a cup of heavy cream, egg yolks, and sugar. Now that I think about, it can’t work because the gelato needs to freeze overnight. Looks like we will have to omit that part of the evening, settle for some pistachio Haagen-Dazs ice cream, and call it a day.

  When I go to use the house phone, I am unable to dial out, which is a bit strange. “Did BK forget to pay the bill?” I ask myself. Thinking about it, I realize the only time I talk to him when he’s out is when he calls me. I have yet to pick up the phone to call him. I can’t use my cell either. When I ran out of the house the day of the accident, I don’t recall grabbing it off the nightstand. The way it looks, I won’t be needing it anyway, considering this is a new chapter and fresh start of my life with BK. I will talk to him about the phone and the cable, too, being we have been getting it in a bit much with the DVD’s as well. Clearly, he really wants to take my minds off things, I see.

  It looks like my romantic evening won’t work with the gelato and now the pizza; to make matters worse, I have been
sitting here planning the evening that is already here and BK is walking through the door.

  “Hey there, baby girl,” he greets me, with a kiss to my forehead.

  “Hey, you,” I reply, blushing.

  “Go upstairs and throw something on; we’re going out tonight. You have been cramped up in this house long enough, baby girl,” he says.

  Without hesitation, I fly upstairs to find something to wear then I stop dead in my tracks. I don’t a stitch of clothes to wear; all of my clothes are in New York. I have been walking around this house a little over a month in BK’s T-shirts.

  “Here you go, baby girl; you forgot something,” he says, walking up behind me, handing me four brown bags.

  In complete shock, I ask, “You went to Bloomingdale’s and shopped for me by yourself?”

  “Just take the bags. I know you, so I know you will love them,” he gloats.

  I guess he does know me, almost better than I know myself. Everything in those bags are perfect and my size. This man is the best!! I don’t have to ask or say anything; he is always one step ahead of me.

  Chapter Forty-Five ~ Sharon Is Falling in Love

  Love is not something that you go out and look for.

  Love finds you and when it does, ready or not,

  it’ll be the best thing to ever happen to you.

  — Author Unknown

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  “Dear Heavenly Father, it’s me your daughter, Sharon. I come to you as humbly as I know how, but I am very confused, Lord. I don’t know what part of your plan this is. Is Braxton part of your perfect will for my life? You are not the author of confusion, so I know I must have overlooked something. Lord, I say these things because, at this moment, deep down in my heart, I know Braxton can’t be for me, and maybe he never was. Did I want him just because he didn’t want me?

  “Bernard has shown my mind and body, in a few weeks, things I never knew existed; more than my husband showed me in the twenty years we were together. I can’t fight these feelings I have. I know I love Braxton, as he was my first love, but I am no longer in love with him. Heavenly Father, please show me what You want. I can’t hang on any longer. Matter of fact, I don’t think You want me too. In Your precious Son’s Name I pray, Amen.”

  From the bottom of my heart, I believe all of this is God’s way of showing me He has so much better in store for me. I had just been settling for whatever Braxton gave me, selling myself short like a fool for all of these years, all in the name of marriage and honoring the vows that didn’t honor me back. For instance, when I talk to Bernard, he listens and actually replies without the anger and hostility in his voice I am so accustomed to. I enjoy talking to him and would love to spend every waking moment in his presence. I can be myself around him and comfortable with it as well.

  Then there’s the lovemaking. Lord have mercy on my horny soul; if loving his touch, his kiss, and the very existence of his manhood is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. When Bernard pleasures me, he expands his attention to my entire body: my toes, fingers, the top of my head, and everywhere else in between. He takes his time kissing, touching, and catering to every inch of my body. This is so new to me.

  Braxton had been my one and only, and the only way he was able to get aroused was for me to take him into my mouth. There was no foreplay or different positions. It was lights out and from the back. Oral sex was completely out of the question with him, so when Bernard put his mouth on my honey pot, my head almost popped straight off. I recall when Braxton and I were younger, we spent countless hours of kissing and fondling one another’s bodies. But times have changed drastically; that was so long ago and has been nonexistent for many years now. The only way I was able to get off while with him was to use vibrators; the sad part about it is I had accepted all of it.

  I had no idea what I’d been missing—that a man can make my body feel this way, as well as make me feel so sexy just from a look. He acts like he can’t get enough of me, and I love every minute of it. Every touch and kiss from Bernard sends chills up and down my spine, causing my honey bun to do victory laps all over his love muscle. Things have been so great between us that I’ve spent the majority of my downtime over at his place. I have pretty much moved in with him. I am here now in some stilettoes and a thong, awaiting his arrival.

  Hearing his car pull up, I stand by the door until I hear him approaching the threshold so I can open the door to greet him. Unfortunately, when I open the door, I feel as if I am blindsided. Nariah is standing on the other side of the door, staring at me with tear-filled eyes.

  Chapter Forty-Six ~ Nariah Is Done

  Know your worth. Know when you have had enough and move on from the people who keep ruining your happiness.

  — Author Unknown

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  Walter has been wining and dining my socks off, treating a bitch how she’s supposed to be treated. I can most definitely get into this. We spent the entire weekend together at the Radisson Hotel in Upper Manhattan and didn’t leave the room once until check out. It was room service, mind-blowing orgasms, along with countless hours of adult conversation.

  As I spent time talking and listening to Walter, I learned more and more about him. He is, in fact, a sincere man; he just had a troubled past, like the rest of us. If Tae and I can pick up the pieces of our dreadful past and make the best of it, who are we to judge and not afford Walter the same opportunity? He feels horrible for what he put his family through plus the fact that he wasn’t there for his wife Monica when she passed. I just hope Tae gets her ass off her high horse and forgives her father. It’s only right.

  Speaking of Tae, she is still missing in action. I’ve been trying to get in touch with Nard for the last two weeks, but he refuses to respond. I bet if I told him I want to get his dick wet, he would jump to attention. Well, he has another think coming; that’s not about to happen. I am done with his ass. What I will do is carry my happy ass over to his place; he’s left me with no other choice.

  While en route to Nard’s, Mahogany crosses my mind. I haven’t heard from her, and when I phone her, the call goes directly to her voicemail. I hope she is all right. I recall the last time I spoke to her, she said she either had a lot on her mind or a lot going on. I’m sure she just needs a little downtime, so I will grant her the space.

  “Looks like I need to put that thought on hold,” I say to myself as I pull up to Nard’s place. I don’t see his car but the lights are on, so he must be in there. Before I can knock on the door, it swings open. My stomach drops to my feet when I see Mahogany standing in front of me in her unmentionables.

  “You nasty bitch!” I yell, swinging like a mad woman. ‘She needs to feel my pain right about now,’ I think, going into attack mode like a pit bull.

  Not giving her a chance to explain, I knock her and those cheap-ass shoes to the floor when the super-save-a-hoe Nard comes out of nowhere and yanks me up off her, throwing me to the floor.

  “Get your fucking hands off me, you coward!” I spit.

  “Watch who you’re talking to like that, and don’t be coming to my house on some bullshit, Nae! What the fuck is wrong with your ghetto ass?” he yells.

  “The real question is when did you start liking men, Mahogany? Before or after your face was buried in my pussy, you nasty bitch?!” I yell.

  “That’s enough, Nae! Get the fuck out of here before I hurt you!” Nard demands.

  He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I pick my face up from the floor and carry myself outside back to the rental car. I am completely humiliated; here I was falling for this lying, fake-ass trick. When I mentioned Nard to her the other day, she acted like she didn’t know who he was. I bet she’s been fucking him all along and trying to get close to me. What does she call herself doing: keeping her friends close and her enemies closer? This is just why I don’t fool with too many females besides Tae. I really need her to come to her senses—or for whatever she is doing to come to an end—and come
home. I am lost without her. Everybody is on some new shit these days. The only real people I have in my corner are Walter and Tae. Fuck the rest of them!

  Chapter Forty-Seven ~ Bernard Is Confused

  The most confused we get is when we try to convince our heads of something our hearts know is a lie.

  — Author Unknown

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  ‘Whose car is this in front of my house? Sharon had better not have company up in my place,’ I think as I hop out the car. No shit! As I get closer to the front door, which is wide open, these two muthafuckas—Sharon and Nae—are rolling around on the floor like mud wrestlers. ‘Hold up! Where the hell are Sharon’s clothes? That shit is kind of sexy,’ I think, as I yank Nae up off her.

  “Get your fucking hands off me, you coward!” Nae spits.

  “Watch who you’re talking to like that, and don’t be coming to my house on some bullshit, Nae! What the fuck is wrong with your ghetto ass?” I yell.

  This woman ignores me and starts yelling at Sharon, who I’m assuming she only knows as Mahogany. That’s what she keeps referring to her as, asking her when did she start liking men; then she goes on, accusing Sharon of chomping on her box. I don’t know if I am more turned on or upset right now, honestly. I would pay to see that shit.

  “Sharon, how the fuck do you know Nae? When I asked you at Friday’s if you knew anything, you denied it. Now, all of a sudden, you’re eating coochie?” I yell.

  “Nard, it isn’t what you think!” she cries.

  “Well, my dear, you better get to explaining, because right now, I feel like snapping your muthafuckin neck,” I spit.

  Sharon claims she knew of Tae from high school and she has known throughout her marriage to Braxton that he is in love with Tae, but she had been in denial. She said she used Nae to get closer to Tae, but it didn’t work out. The only thing she wanted was to get her husband to come back to her.