Torn: I Dont Need You, But I Want You Read online

  “Get your little nasty ass up and come put your mouth on me. You better make daddy nut, and if I feel any teeth whatsoever, I’m going to hurt you,” he spits.

  As he stands over me, forcing me to take him into my mouth, I do as instructed, waiting for him to get lost in it, before sliding my hand underneath my pillow and grabbing the knife I hid there. Daddy’s eyes are closed so he is unaware of what I am about to do as my mouth is filled with his nasty manhood. I take the knife and forcefully drive it into his stomach.

  “What the fuck?” he yells, letting out a loud yelp and bending over, grabbing his stomach.

  I take off running like a bat out of hell into my mother’s room, only to find her room empty. “I thought she was home. Oh my God! What am I going to do?” I say to myself as I begin to panic.

  “What the hell are you doing in my room with no clothes on, girl, and where is your father? He will kill you if he sees you like this,” my mother questions when she walks in the room.

  The only thing I can do is tearfully point towards my room as I ease the cordless phone off their nightstand and dial 911.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven ~ Mahogany Has a Plan

  By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.

  — Benjamin Franklin

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  Did Nariah really think I was going to allow her to put her mouth anywhere near my hidden treasure? What I do to her is just business; she just isn’t aware of it. All I need for her to do is to continue thinking she can trust and confide in me so she can keep running her mouth like she has diarrhea of the lips. I am just glad she didn’t press the issue and went with the flow. My body belongs to Braxton and Braxton only. The Bible simply states marriage should be held in high honor, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled because God judges adulterers. I honor my marriage, God, and my vows, so no one will have the pleasure of enjoying me except for my husband.

  I know God understands and forgives me for what I do to and with Nariah. If He didn’t, I wouldn’t have the access I have to her and the situation surrounding Latavia. At the end of the day, this is all about her; she refuses to leave well enough alone, so she has to pay for her sins. God judges adulterous husband-stealing-whores and so do I, especially when she has a husband of her own.

  Now I have to make it my business to try to find a way to get close to this Bernard person. He just might be the break I need. My only problem is Nariah. Maybe if I seduce him like I did Nariah, he will be like putty in my hands. I have to get my husband back by any means necessary. Even though I despise another man putting his hands on me, I will do whatever it takes to get my husband back. This will be an exception to honoring the marriage bed because, in actuality, I will be saving my marriage. As long as I don’t enjoy it, it’s not a sin.

  This just might work in my favor after all, considering most men think with their private parts, hence the reason why I have to take these drastic measures in the first place. If I know anything about a man, I know ain’t no booty like new booty. I guess I’ll have to sacrifice and ease my way into becoming Officer Bernard’s new booty. I will also find a way to make sure the three of us are never in the same vicinity. The way I see it, he and Nariah aren’t in a committed relationship, and if I’ve learned anything from listening to her babble, it’s just sex between them. Therefore, they have no reason to discuss who they’re with, screwing or not screwing. I am not too worried or concerned anyway. I know God is on my side and He will work all of this together for my good.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight ~ Braxton’s Keeping Secrets

  Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate.

  — Jo Brand

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  Returning home from work, I walk into the bedroom, disappointed by being greeted by Tavia and one of her Nightmare on Elm Street dreams. This shit has got to stop! I can’t stand seeing her like this and there’s nothing I can do to fix it either. I think that’s the part that eats me up the most.

  “Baby girl, it’s me; calm down. You’re safe with me, baby,” I say, trying to console her.

  “I stabbed him! I stabbed him! I couldn’t take it anymore, BK! I stabbed him!” she cries.”

  “You stabbed who, baby girl? What are you talking about?” I question.

  “My father!” she weeps.

  “Would you like to talk about it?” I ask, hoping she will decline.

  Tavia doesn’t answer the question directly; instead she drops a bomb on me, just when I thought this nightmare of hers couldn’t get any worst. She has to have had the worst parents on this side of the earth. Her mom was mad she called the police. She said Tavia should have told her in the beginning when it first happened. This crazy lady told her firstborn and only child that she bet she didn’t tell her because she liked it and she hates the sight of her face. So not only does she get raped for all of those years by her pops, but she gets blamed for it right before her mother beats the brakes off her. You know she did that shit after the cops left.

  I am glad I listened to her story because I found out her pops is still alive as far as she knows; she just hasn’t seen him since the arrest. I will make it my business to find out his whereabouts, come hell or high water, because he has to pay for what he did to my baby girl.

  Before coming home, I’d called the hospital to check on ol’ boy; he is still in a coma, I’m assuming, because all they would say is there hasn’t been any change in his status. I don’t think Tavia knows he’s in the condition he’s in. No matter how mad she is, I’m sure she would want to go and see about him, which is only right. The bad thing about it is, I ain’t telling her about shit unless it has something to do with me.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine ~ Bernard Is Open

  Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate.

  — Jo Brand

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  I’ve gone to both last known addresses for Braxton and Sharon Kirkland. Either they’re away on vacation or they’ve moved. I do have a few other leads I will look into, just not right now. I need a little taste of that hard stuff. “All of this is beginning to weigh heavily on me, but it’s nothing so hard that a strong, stiff drink can’t assist with alleviating,” I say to myself as I walk into O’Neill’s.

  It’s pretty packed in here for a Wednesday night, and there are a lot of unfamiliar faces. Right now the question of the hour is who the hell thick-and-sexy over there belongs to. She has a set of lips on her, and I know she has to be a master in giving crazy microphone checks. Guess I’m about to find out; she’s walking her sexy ass over this way.

  “Good evening, handsome; is this seat taken,’ the sexy unfamiliar-yet-familiar woman asks.

  “It is now,” I reply.

  “Why thank you; I’m Mahogany and you are?”

  “I’m impressed.”

  “Nice to meet you, impressed,” she says seductively.

  “Nice to meet you, Mahogany. What a fitting name for a sexy, thick, chocolate, mesmerizing woman such as yourself.”

  “Why thank you. You’re not bad on the eyes yourself.”

  “I'm not bad on a lot things; hopefully, I’ll allow you to find out.”

  “Excuse me? A little cocky don’t you think?”

  “No, sexy; it’s confidence.”

  “How about you put your dick where your mouth is?”

  “What?”

  “I mean, I’m a visual woman. I need you to show me better than you tell me.”

  With that, we leave the bar. She asks me to follow her to the Best Western on the LIE, and of course she doesn’t have to ask twice. This woman doesn’t waste any time. As we enter the room, she goes straight to unbuckling my pants and throwing her lips to my dick, sucking it until I give her the feedback she is in search of.

  Sexy is a pro and I saw it the moment I laid eyes on her. She says all she wants to do is please me and for me to unload all my stress down her throat. Damn! That has me brick hard, and without further ado, I am unloading all my seed
down her throat for the third time; she sucks on my shit until the very last drop. The only thing I can think about right now is knocking back. ‘That vacuum-sucking exorcism she performed on me has me drained and weak at the knees,’ I think before entering into some much-needed, coma-like sleep.

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  I have no idea how long I’ve been asleep. When I adjust myself and wipe the sleep from my eyes, I notice she’s penned me a little note and left it on the pillow beside me.

  Good morning, sleepyhead,

  Thank you for a lovely evening. I had a wonderful time.

  You were sound asleep when I left and I didn’t want to wake you.

  Hope to see again real soon.

  P.S. If you find yourself stressed and in need of a stress reliever, I’ll keep my mouth open for you.

  Mahogany Kisses XOXO

  Chapter Forty ~ Sharon’s Prayer

  Oh Lord, please continue to guide me through this difficult journey.

  — Author Unknown

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  “Are you there, God? It is me, Mahogany. Forgive me, Lord; I mean Sharon. I spend so much time in character, sometimes I forget who I am, but I know You understand. Father God, I just want to petition You to extend Your grace and mercy. I have been having thoughts that are not my own since taking Bernard into my mouth. Lord, my vows said for better or for worse, but the acts I am forced to perform on Nariah and now Bernard seem to be a bit much. But like You said in Your Word, You will never put any more on me than I can bear, so I will endure like a good and faithful soldier because I trust You.

  “I just don’t understand how I have become sexually attracted to Bernard after giving him oral pleasure, when all of this is part of the plan to restore my marriage. Is this a sign You’re giving me to be intimate with him in order to win him over to get closer to him? Whatever it is, God, please lead me and direct me. I have never had sexual feelings for any other man besides my husband. I ask all of these things in your Son’s Name, Amen.”

  Now that that’s out of the way, I will wait to see where I am directed to from here. I have been thinking about the events of the last few days, and it just dawned on me that I haven’t heard from Nariah since I turned her down the other day. That whole situation threw me back a little. After our first encounter, she stressed to me that she is the receiver when it comes to women, not the giver, and if I had a problem with it, it wouldn’t work for us. Currently, from the looks of things, she has a sudden glow and look in her eyes, like she is slipping and falling.

  I am going to need her to stand up; that isn’t part of the plan, and I can’t have her interfering with the plan, hindering things when they are going so well for the both of us. Nariah will soon learn that she is just a vehicle to transport me to Latavia in order to get to the real matter at hand, and that’s Braxton—no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I will admit I do enjoy talking and hanging out with Nariah. Hopefully, when all is said and done, we can become friends; I think I would actually like that a lot. Right now, she is the closest thing—other than God—I have as a friend.

  When I think about how everything from Nariah to Bernard has played out thus far, it confirms how much God is on my side. For instance, I had this plan in place to go to the precinct like a woman in distress unable to locate the whereabouts of her husband and ask for an officer named Bernard, saying he was recommended by a friend of the family. Clearly God didn’t want me to lie; as I entered the precinct, Bernard was leaving out. One of his co-workers called his name and asked if they were still meeting at O’Neill’s. I took that as a sign from God, knowing there can’t be too many people named Bernard, and because I have God on my side in this whole situation, I knew he was the person I was looking for. With that, I made sure to get to the bar before he did and I worked my magic. I am just caught off guard with the way I felt while and after giving him fellatio. However, God will direct me, so I won’t meddle. I will allow Him to lead me and guide me every step of the way as He has been doing.

  Chapter Forty-One ~ Nae’s Change of Heart

  When you’re different sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t.

  — Jodi Picoult

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  Tae is still nowhere to be found. While at the precinct yesterday, Detective Torres questioned me for several hours, and one of his questions was if I knew of anyone who would want to harm her. Of course I don’t know of anyone at all. I know for a fact no one wants to harm her. Everyone loves Tae upon meeting her; she just has that type of personality. The second question was what really caught my attention, although I played it off. He asked if I knew of an affair or affairs she might have had or might be having. Now as far as that goes, I do know her and BK got it on the one time; at least, I believe it was the first and only time.

  What I do know is that mess is the primary cause of this whole mess. Hopefully, she didn’t run off with that man. I don’t care how upset or hurt she might be, for heaven’s sake, her husband is in ICU fighting for his life. That would be the ultimate disrespect! I can understand her being confused and upset about Darnell’s and my relationship, but if she would have let him or me explain, instead of running out the house, it would have been as clear as day that I don’t see him in a sexual way nor have I been with him sexually the way she may think. It was a one-night stand, which I told her about when it happened, and like I said before, I had no fucking clue she would end up meeting and marrying him.

  If anyone should be salty it should be me. The morning I found out I was three-and-a-half-months pregnant was the same day she had her dinner party. When it was time to meet the mystery man she was head over hills about, he turned out to be my one-night stand and the father of the unborn child I had just found out I was carrying. Being the best friend to her that I am and avoiding all of the dramatics of it all, I made it my business to terminate the pregnancy. I didn’t want to hurt either of us any more than I might have been or than she has been; neither did I want to ruin her happiness. One thing for sure, there was no way in the world I would have been able to look at or see Darnell continuously, knowing he was the father of my child, and he was building a life, and possibly a family, with my best friend.

  All of this is one big mess, and it seems as if I can’t win no matter where I turn. Mahogany hasn’t reached out to me since movie night and I feel a way about it a little. I really wish she would let me in her world the way I have allowed her into mine, but I am sure in time she will. For now, I will continue my sexcapades with Walter. No one would ever understand how and why I am so attracted to him, but it’s my business, so who the hell cares! Between him and Mahogany, I have never been so sexually satisfied in my life.

  I wish I could mesh them together and make them one person. Walter is a male version of me in the sense that he won’t do the extras. It’s just sex, an outing or two, and small talk; nothing personal or any feelings involved, which is fine by me. All I know is I crave the orgasms he gives me. Mahogany, on the other hand, started off with the same criteria, but she’s wiggled her way into a soft spot in my heart and I can’t shake it. I’m not sure if she feels the same way about me, but I will make it my business to find out.

  In the meantime, I am on my way to a special evening Walter has planned for us, so right now, I will get out of my moment and go enjoy myself. God knows I need it.

  Reminiscing on my history with Walter, I can’t believe how far he and I have evolved to this day. Growing up, I detested the ground he walked on. Putting the past behind us and getting to know the man he is now has allowed me to respect him and learn that we all have a dark past. It’s up to us to make changes for the better. Growing up as a child, Walter endured years of physical and sexual abuse at the hands of the woman who gave birth to him. This, in turn, through the years taught him to hate the female species and everything about women. He said he couldn’t stand the sight of them; the only thing they were go
od for was to suck him off and make him ejaculate. However, his being arrested led to years of psychiatric therapy, opening his eyes to see the impact his childhood had on the unspeakable things he’d done. Therapy allowed him to see the monster he was to his own daughter. I do hope, when all is said and done, Tae finds it in her heart to forgive her father, so she too can get past those demons that are haunting her.

  Chapter Forty-Two ~ Braxton’s Past

  Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.

  —Thomas Jefferson

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  Work flew by today at the job site; my pops and I went deep, opening up to each other on a lot of shit. It is crazy how we met. I was thrown into prison because of my nosy-ass neighbors. I’d had an argument with Sharon’s ass and that bitch spat in my face, leaving me no other choice but to hem her ass up. What kind of trifling shit is that? Then she wants to apologize, talking about our vows say for better or for worse. I went straight left when she said that shit. Fuck that! Shit was about to get worse if she didn’t get out my face. Long story short, I was locked up behind that for four-and-a-half months. That’s when I met this older dude with so much knowledge. He took me under his wing and schooled me on some things like he was my biological pops.

  From day one, we formed an undeniable bond. I felt he was the father I wasn’t privileged to have. So you know after I was released, I made sure to stay in touch, having Sharon send care packages, cards, letters, and everything. Now we are business partners, so I get to spend time with him every day. We have a construction company we are the proud owners of. It is legally registered under my soon-to-be ex-wife’s name; however, technically, it’s ours. I just have to figure how we’re going to work the business out. I can’t have a divorce fucking up what my pops and I have created.