Torn: I Dont Need You, But I Want You Read online

  “If that’s the case, what the fuck are you doing here with me?” I question.

  Through her tears, she replies, “Since I’ve been with you, you have shown me how a woman is supposed to be treated and that I have just been settling with Braxton.”

  “Don’t hand me that bullshit! When I met you, I didn’t show you shit! You showed me you could suck a mean dick, so cut the bull and tell me the truth, Sharon!”

  “Bernard, yes, you too started out as a vehicle to get me closer to Braxton, but after being with you, I’ve realized I don’t want him. My abandonment issues forced me to believe I needed him, being that I struggle with rejection. Why do you think I stayed with him for so long?”

  “I have no fucking clue, Sharon. What I do know is you better come clean now, because if I find out you’ve been lying to me, you will regret the day you met me.”

  “I am telling you the God’s-honest-truth, Bernard. I am not hiding anything else. I swear I’ve never met or seen Darnell a day in my life, and the last time I saw Latavia in the flesh was in high school. You have to believe me,” she cries.

  “I need a minute to clear my head,” I say, walking out of the door.

  Chapter Forty-Eight ~ Latavia Is Heated

  I’m fed up with you not being here with me, when you know love is all I need

  — Author Unknown

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  I am not sure what’s going on, but BK has been coming home from work later and later these days. He blames it on the site they’re working on and being short-staffed. He must think I am Boo-Boo-the-Fool. When he gets in, he reeks of alcohol, and unless I am crazy, I don’t know of any construction site that requires or permits alcohol.

  I can tell what he’s been drinking by the way he makes love to me. When he has been drinking dark liquor, he goes into beast mode, trying to tear the lining out of me. When it’s the white stuff, he wants to make love. Well, if he comes in here tonight, smelling like anything remotely close to alcohol, he and his fingers will become one this very evening. Things have been good, so he’d better not allow his other head to screw things up with us.

  

  Look who decided to make his way home at two-thirty in the morning.

  “Where the hell have you been, BK, and why haven’t I heard from you?” I yell, swinging the door open before he can get inside.

  “Tae, calm down. We had a stressful day at the site, causing us to work late. Then we went for drinks after. You know how it is when the boys get together for drinks, baby girl,” he slurs.

  “Don’t baby girl me; you’ve been drinking again, too!” I spit.

  “Didn’t I just say we went for drinks, Tae?”

  “I don’t care what you just said. You have been doing this too often and I’m getting sick of it.”

  “Sick of what exactly? I make sure you’re good; you want for nothing, and I keep that pussy leaking on the regular.”

  “Really, BK? Really?”

  “Yes, I bet its wet right now. Let big daddy sop it up real quick.”

  “Big daddy won’t be doing a damn thing but sleeping on that couch.

  “How’re you going to put me out my own bed?”

  “Just like this,” I say, tossing him a blanket and pillow.

  He is out of his mind if thinks he’s just going to come and go as he pleases—no call or anything. I’m stuck in this damn house with no television and can’t call out on the phone because he says it costs too much and it’s a waste of money. There’s nothing left to do, so I’ve already searched the house from top to bottom getting better acquainted with my surroundings. I did in fact learn a few new things about BK. For instance, he has the same obsession with guns as Darnell. I’m not sure why, but I see he collects them the way I collect shoes. All I know is I am not staying in this house another day until he gets me some cable, a cell phone, and fixes the house phone, or I will be in my hard hat on the construction site with him.

  Chapter Forty-Nine ~ Sharon Makes a Decision

  You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.

  — Dale Carnegie

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  Everything around me is downright out of control. It’s beginning to feel like God has forsaken me. I know they say the teacher is always quiet during the test, but things really have spiraled out of control. Nariah came to Bernard’s place and lost every bit of sense the good Lord gave her. The Bible says, “Hold your peace and the Lord will fight your battles,” so I refrained from fighting with her. God honored my obedience to His word and had Bernard come home just in time.

  Bernard is now upset with me because Nariah made sure to make mention of me performing oral sex on her. I explained to him over and over again that it meant absolutely nothing to me at all, and at the time, I thought it was part of the God’s plan and will for my life in order for me to get my husband back. He said he needed time to gather his thoughts, but it’s been a week now since he’s touched or made love to me. When we talk, it’s as if we only do it to be cordial or to appease one another. I can’t handle that again. I don’t want it to get to the point that he stops talking to me completely. The good thing about it is he is still allowing me to stay at his place with him, and he gave me keys so I can come and go as I please.

  I will do whatever it requires for me to prove to Bernard that there aren’t any more secrets between us. I’ve come one-hundred-percent clean with him—with the exception of the brake-line situation, but that was an honest mistake, which God has forgiven me for. Old things are passed away, and once God forgives you, it’s cast into the sea of forgetfulness. Therefore, there’s no need to bring it up, because in actuality, it no longer exists.

  Without a shadow of a doubt, I know all of this was strategically designed in order for me to meet Bernard. I am inclined to contact Braxton’s attorney to finally grant him the divorce he requested. He can have the business and everything else; I want nothing else to do him. All I want is my happiness, which I now know for a fact Braxton isn’t capable of providing for me.

  Chapter Fifty ~ Braxton’s Reality

  Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

  — Albert Einstein

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  Either I am paranoid or I’m losing it. The last few weeks, I swear the same car has been down the block from the site and follows me when I leave. I’ve detoured, and turned up and down blocks, and the same vehicle stays at least two or three cars behind me. No one knows about my mom’s crib out here in Hartford so I don’t know what’s going on. Don’t get it twisted: I’m nobody’s punk; I stay strapped. I’m just not with bringing heat where I rest my head at night. Plus, my baby girl is here getting her mental together. She doesn’t need any more chaos. Baby girl might snap, real talk.

  There’s this little strip joint on W. Service Road I’ve been hitting up before retreating to the crib to try to lie low to allow whoever this clown is following me to get lost. By the time I leave Mynx, it’s pretty late and I don’t notice any one in the cut. Tavia getting on my nerves though with that nagging and complaining shit, talking about the only thing open at three in the morning are legs. Shit, that’s what I’m talking about! I be trying to get up between her legs and she be on that bullshit. Little does she know, all I’m trying to do is make sure she’s good, but she doesn’t even give me a chance to explain before popping off at the gums with that rah-rah shit. I have zero tolerance for that shit, too. That’s all Sharon did, sun up and sun down, and I’ll be damned if I’m about to listen to anything the least bit close to that. Tavia is going to have to kill all noise, word up.

  Thinking of Sharon, my lawyer called me yesterday to schedule a meeting for me to meet him and Sharon at his office regarding the divorce. He said she is ready to sign everything over to me and she doesn’t want anything at all except for a divorce. Shit! This is the best news I’ve h
eard in a minute. I’m heading my happy ass over to his office right now to sign on the dotted line and rid myself of that crazy-ass broad.

  Once at Meyers & Lebowitz, I am more than ready to get this show on the road. ‘Of course, Sharon’s slow-ass is late,’ I think when she finally walks through the door. ‘Damn! Sharon is looking good as hell! What the fuck has she been doing? She is looking real good with that short, Halle Berry-look she’s got going. Shit, that tight-ass skirt and that little-ass shirt with her big titties on display have my dick hard-as-muthafucka right now. I know somebody’s hitting that pussy right.’

  “What’s up, Sharon?” I say.

  “I am well; how are you doing, Braxton? It’s been a long time,” she replies.

  “Yes, too long. Are you sure you’re ready to do this?” I question.

  “Believe it or not, I am,” she says with this big-ass smile pasted across her face.

  I don’t know what she so happy about, but I do know Sharon is looking good-as-fuck. She ain’t never looked this good. While I am undressing her with my eyes, she cuts right to the chase and asks my attorney where to sign so she can be on her way. Because she doesn’t want anything in return, it takes no time to square things away. We shake hands like we’ve just met and she just about runs out the door.

  “Sharon,” I yell. “Where are you sprinting off to looking that good?”

  She ignores me, heading out to the parking garage. I catch up to her just as she is passing where I’d parked my truck.

  “Since when have you been concerned what I’m doing or where I’m going?” she asks.

  “You can’t answer a question with a question, sweetheart.”

  “Sweetheart?”

  “Yes, sweetheart,” I say, pulling her close to me, shoving my tongue as far down her throat as I can get it.

  You know good and well she can’t resist her first love, and before she can think about it, I have her thick thighs spread-eagle in the back of my Yukon. Damn, I am slipping. ‘She tastes too good and her pussy is tighter than ever,’ I think after she’s finished riding the shit out of my dick.

  “Thank you, Braxton; I needed that,” she says, pulling up her thong before hoping out the truck.

  Chapter Fifty-One ~ Bernard Is on the Lookout

  Caution is the eldest child of wisdom.

  — Victor Marie Hugo

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  I am leaving the hospital in really good spirits; my boy is coming along. He isn’t completely in the clear and has a ways to go, but he is doing much better than he has been. This is just what I needed to hear with all the bull that’s going on around me with the job and everything else. I don’t know what to do or believe when it comes to Sharon. She’s managed to wiggle her thick, round ass into that soft place where no one expect my moms is supposed to be. There’s just something about that woman; her energy is addicting and intoxicating. She is, in fact, a good woman all around. She just fucked around and married some joker who mishandled her and manipulated her mind.

  Tonight when I get in, I’m going to have a long talk with her to allow her another chance to come clean with anything else she might have allowed to slip her mind. I am feeling her, so she needs to be on the up-and-up like the woman I believe she is. Being that I’m not the best cook on this side of town, on my way home, I pick up a couple of bottles of Chardonnay, a Caesar salad since that’s all she eats, and a pizza pie. That way we can eat, talk, drink, and catch a few flicks on the television. Sharon really has my nose open. She had better not fuck it up.

  “Hey, Sha, you hungry?” I ask, entering the house.

  “No, I’m not handsome; don’t have much of an appetite tonight,” she replies.

  “Well, I picked you up a salad and some Chardonnay if you change your mind.”

  “Thank you, honey; I sure could use a drink after the long day I had today.”

  “So how did the meeting go with the ex and his attorney,” I ask, handing her a glass of wine.

  “It’s done. I signed the paperwork, and now all I have to do is wait for the divorce decree,” she solemnly replies.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  She proceeds to inform me that her soon-to-be ex-husband appeared to be a little hesitant with things when she asked for the paperwork, and he was trying to hit on her, but she ignored him. Little does she know, I followed her over there this morning and saw him running behind her, but she ignored him, kept on walking, heading to her car. That’s all I needed to see and exactly what I wanted to happen. I had to make sure she wasn’t trying to run games and wasn’t up to no good.

  Chapter Fifty-Two ~ Nae Takes Matters in Her Own Hands

  The mind when it has an old experience will add that data into its current experience and it keeps coming up with wrong answers.

  —L. Ron Hubbard

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  Bernard and the entire seventh precinct can kiss my entire natural-born black ass. I will hire a private investigator to locate Tae. Something is telling me she’s in trouble or, God forbid, something has happened to her. No matter how upset she is with me or anyone else, I can’t see her just outright abandoning her husband, knowing he is critical condition, or flat-out disregarding everything we put in to build Elite. This is so unlike her, but I will get to the bottom of it.

  Walter is in complete shock when I bring him up to speed on everything. He too feels something is wrong and that the NYPD are dragging their feet in finding Tae’s whereabouts. I don’t bother mentioning BK to him; now that I think about it, there’s no way in hell she’s with him. She wouldn’t risk everything for a dick; that’s something I know about Tae. She is crazy, but not that crazy.

  The investigator Walter recommends asks that I allow him three weeks and he will have something for me. That is a long time, but the way I see it, it’s better than nothing. In the meantime, I will try not to worry, and will do the one thing I learned from Mahogany—pray. I can’t imagine going any further in my life without Tae by my side. This has been the longest I’ve been away from or talked to her in nineteen years, so right now, I feel a little lost. I think I have been spending so much more time with Walter because he is the closest thing to Tae I have right now.

  Last night Walter confessed his feelings for me, and I don’t know what to say or think. I care about him a lot, but I am not in love with him. Unfortunately, right now my heart belongs to Mahogany’s trifling ass. I asked him to give me some time to digest all of this, considering the circumstances and situation surrounding our little love affair. I need Tae to understand and forgive her father; then maybe I can let my guard down and see Walter as more than just a great fuck. If I weigh the good, the bad, the pros, and the cons, I have to admit the cons stick out like sore thumbs. He said he understood; he just wanted me to know he cares for me a lot and can see things going further with us. Why is it always the ones you want who don’t want you back, and the ones you don’t want who want you? Relationships and sex suck; I should take a long break from all of it. Picture that happening! I know there’s no chance in hell I would make it through that successfully.

  Chapter Fifty-Three ~ Latavia’s Real World

  Facing the truth can be one of the worst things you could encounter.

  You don’t like to live in the reality of it,

  you just want it to be the happy ending to a love story.

  — Dan Pellegrino

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  This is the fourth text message I have sent BK’s behind. He gets me a cellphone then ignores my calls and text. What part of the game is this? He said he had a meeting with his lawyer yesterday morning to sign his divorce papers, which was a surprise to me, and took all day and night to come home. He told me he was already divorced the first night I ran into him. I let that slide along with his not mentioning to me he was divorced. He’s been here with me, not her, so she is clearly out of the picture. However, he promised to take the day off today. It’s going on six p.m.; where in t
he world is he? He said he would take the day off, take me out, and spend the entire day with me today. The day has come and gone.

  ‘I am so done playing games with him. He will not come and go as he pleases, and continue leaving me in this house. Absolutely not! That’s not going to work in his favor or mine. Speaking of the devil, guess who finally decided to bring himself home,’ I think, swinging the door open.

  “Wait a minute . . . Bernard? What are you doing here?”

  Before I can get another word out, he slaps me so hard I fly into the wall.

  “Don’t worry about what I’m doing here, what the fuck are you doing playing house with another man when your husband is in the hospital fighting for his fucking life?”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask through tears, holding my stinging face.

  The next thing I know, BK comes from out of nowhere, flying through the door, tackling Bernard to the ground.

  “My man, I know you didn’t just bring your black ass into my house and put your hands on my girl!” BK spits.

  “Punk, she’s married and so are you!” Bernard says, pulling his gun out and placing it to BK’s head.

  Bernard says he will ruin BK’s life if he comes anywhere near me or some woman name Sharon again. At gunpoint, he forces me to grab my things and leave with him.

  “Why are you still pointing that gun at me, Bernard? I am in the car and leaving with you,” I cry.

  “Shut the hell up! I swear if you weren’t D’s wife, I would have laid your disrespectful ass out. You are a trifling little thing; you really are. How could you do this to him?”

  “First of all, I had no idea he was fighting for his life. I don’t even how what you’re talking about Bernard. What happened to him? Did he get hurt on the job?”