Torn: I Dont Need You, But I Want You Read online

  Ever since things went sour with my ex-girl, I’ve been on tour, sticking and moving from hole to hole. I tried the nice-guy routine and that got me nowhere; instead it blew-the-fuck-up in my face, so with that, I’m on a mission to blow up all pussy, far and near. You would be surprised what a female will do to avoid getting into trouble—I’m a cop—or just to be with you because she thinks you’re a good catch. Of course, I play along, get what I want, and bounce.

  As for Nae, I deal with her on a regular. We have an understanding with no strings attached. The only problem is I crave her pussy on the regular, and when she goes missing, I tend to be on some bitch-shit, blowing her phone up and coincidentally—or should I say purposely—running into her, which propels her to see me and run me the wet stuff I can’t seem to get enough of.

  I thought when D caught, or saw, me dicking Nae down, he was going to be in his feelings, but he brushed that shit off—as he should have. Tae, on the other hand, has his ass strung-the-fuck-out. He stays paranoid, thinking stupid shit and in his feelings on a regular. That’s my man, a hundred grand and all, but he needs to go back to the dude I met ten years ago in the academy, and get the bitch up and out of him.

  It has gotten even worse since all that went down between his wife and Nae. Shit, I told him bitches fight all the time; that’s just what they do. Then he wants to play Mr. Tough Guy, talking about if I refer to his wife as a bitch again, we’re going to have a problem. He has me fucked up; ain’t shit between us but air and muthafuckin opportunity. Partner or no partner, if the opportunity presents itself, I will lay his monkey-ass out. Now he’s on some shit, talking about I need to be careful around Nae because she’s a cold-hearted bitch, she’s going to do me like she did Tae, and she’s ten times worse than my ex. Well excuse-the-fuck-out-of-me, Dr. Mutha-Fuckin-Phil. I see it’s okay for him to refer to a female as a bitch as long as it’s not his darling Latavia. What he needs to be doing is worrying about her sneaky ass, not what Nae is doing. Oh, she ain’t fooling nobody but her damn-self.

  While on one of my excursions to locate my man-cave that had gone missing, I went by Elite Too and saw Tae’s trifling ass with some dude who I watched her suck and fuck. Why she was in there with him, with nothing up against the windows, is beyond me. I had no idea Nae’s ass was in there until I saw her come out of the office and get into the car. If you ask me, she was fucking lucky Nae was there; she actually saved her life. D would have put a bullet in her and asked me to help him cover that shit up if he had gotten there early enough to see what really went down. Latavia needs to be apologizing and thanking Nae for that shit, if you ask me.

  I am far from a snitch—at least not right now anyway. I am going to use this little piece of information to my advantage, so Tae’s ass had better get ready; it’s going to be a bumpy ride! I’ll lie low with it for now, but stay tuned. Shit is about to hit the fan for Mrs. Innocent Perfect Latavia Carter.

  Chapter Nineteen ~ Tae Can’t Take Anymore

  If your heart is the strongest muscle in your body, why does it break so easily?

  — Author Unknown

  

  Nae’s words and actions spoke loud and clear. She is not the confidant she has portrayed herself to be all of these years. Now I see the real Nae has surfaced. I really thought I knew her and could trust her with any and everything, no matter what. How could she be so heartless and mean? She swore up and down she loved me as if our mothers had taken turns giving birth to us—as if that was at all possible. Was that her demonstration of love? I mean, if there is anyone who knows firsthand the things I endured at the hands of my father, it is Nae. How could she throw me under the bus like that? No matter how upset, mad, disappointed, or whatever, she was feeling, there was no rhyme or reason whatsoever for her to take things that far.

  Then, to top it off, she had the nerve to brag about sucking BK off. I am beyond hurt and devastated as a result of all of this. My mother always used to say, “Stick and stones may break your bones, but words and names will never hurt you.” Well, I beg to differ with her; Mom was clearly living in denial. Nae’s words cut through me like a laser beam cutting through metal, or a hot knife through butter. To dig the knife in deeper and making matters worse, Darnell heard her throw the abuse in my face. She is so lucky he pulled me off her. I would have killed her if he hadn’t shown up when he did.

  I slept in late and have been in this bathroom for the past forty-five minutes, unable to move or face anyone or anything on the other side of this door. Talking to Darnell for the last two days has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do outside of the abortions, rapes, and miscarriages. Reliving the little I shared with him felt like I was experiencing the rape all over again as the words fell from my lips. Just the thought of it all causes fear and anxiety to take complete control over me, and I begin to sink down deeper into the tub, contemplating what to do next.

  ‘I might as well just get used to being in here because there is no way I am leaving this bathroom. All I need is water, and there is plenty of it in here,’ I think as fresh tears stream down my face. Lost in my thoughts, I don’t hear Darnell enter into the bathroom.

  “Good morning, baby; you’re going to turn into a prune if you stay in that tub any longer,” he jokes, trying to ease the tension and make me smile.

  “Good morning,” I reply, a little above a whisper.

  “I hope you found your appetite in there. I prepared breakfast for us,” he informs as he assists me out of the tub, a bath towel in hand, awaiting my wet, wrinkled body.

  Still unable to give him any eye contact, with my head hung low, I say, “Thank you, Darnell,” put my robe on, and follow him downstairs. This damn man never ceases to amaze me. He has a table set by the large bay window in the living room, draped with a white linen tablecloth. There’s a clear jug placed in the center of the table, containing fresh lavender tulips, which happens to be my favorite flower. He even used the good china to hold the toasted sourdough bread with cinnamon butter alongside it for dipping; this is his version of French toast. As I admire the table, there are also scrambled eggs, fresh strawberries, turkey bacon, and mimosas chilled in the champagne flutes Nae had purchased for us as a housewarming gift. The thought of her causes me to tear up. Darnell must have observed my meltdown welling up again; to defuse the situation, he pulls me in close to him, wraps his arms around me, and holds me tight like he is trying to squeeze the pain away.

  “Tae, I know this is hard for you, but I promise you if you allow it, we will get through this together. You are not alone; I am here with you and will do whatever I have to do to make things better for you,” he pleads through the tears he is trying so hard to hold back.

  Darnell breaks his embrace when the ringing of the doorbell startles him. “Babe, have a seat and get started on breakfast before it gets cold while I go and get rid of whoever it is at the door.”

  As I stick my fork in the eggs, I can hear Nae screaming from the foyer.

  “Get your fucking hands off me, Black! Why are you choking me?”

  ‘Wait one damn minute! Why is she calling Darnell Black?’ I think. ‘Isn’t that the guy she met on the website? Oh my God, are you kidding me!’

  “How could you do this to me, Darnell?” I yell, snatching my purse off of the table and running straight out of the door with no destination in mind.

  Chapter Twenty ~ Nariah’s Demons

  If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone, your heart is telling you that you have not resolved your issues with them. In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person. All of this begs the question, how do we forgive? First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories about why you behave the way you do. Stop blaming your behavior on other people and take responsibility for your emotional reactions. If you could forgive all the people in your life who have hurt or wounded you, it would be possible to be in control of your behavior instead of being in reaction to other p
eople all of the time. Imagine living life without experiencing a constant emotional roller-coaster of pain, anger, and jealousy! That would be bliss!

  — Sheri Rosenthal, Journeys of the Spirit,

  

  Usually, I wouldn’t give a flying fuck if someone is angry and in their feelings or not speaking to me, but this is Tae I’m talking about; that girl means the world to me. I really don’t understand why she’s this upset. Hell, she knows me better than anyone else, so the slick shit that comes out of my mouth should be expected. Tae knows good-and-goddamn-well I don’t mean any harm by any of it. Now she calls herself angry and not speaking to me or something; all of my text messages and phone calls have gone unanswered for two days now. After leaving the last message, I assume she will call me back right away.

  “Tae, I apologize for bothering you and I know you are upset with me right now but as you always say, when it comes to Elite all of the personal crap between us becomes irrelevant. With that being the case, I am calling to inform you that we are now being instructed to push back the opening for Elite Too because the foreman fell through the ceiling and hurt himself. We will have to see what the construction company is talking about as I received a message saying the balance of the job has been postponed until further notice,” I lie as I spit into her voicemail, trying to sound as sincere and convincing as I possibly can. To no avail; she is as stubborn as I am and my calls remain unanswered.

  To try to ease my mind, I call Walter and his ass is nowhere to be found. This is really pissing me off; right about now, dick is the only thing that can take my troubles away. ‘It looks like this will be Nard’s lucky night,’ I think as I send him a text message telling him to meet me at my place in an hour, making sure to include my address, considering I’ve never granted him the honor or privilege of gracing my humble abode. He’s lucky I am too tired to drive and feeling a little down, or he would be running his pockets for a room.

  I now have an hour to shit, shower, and change. Better yet, I’ll just keep my birthday suit on; that way, we can cut the small talk and get this party started. Nard is one of those guys you love to hate. You hate him because he is too clingy, but love him because he will dick you down by fucking your brains out, leaving you wanting and begging for more. This is the primary reason why I keep him and that sexy, brown, mouth-watering dick of his in heavy rotation. Between Nard and Walter, I have been having the best sex of my life.

  Like clockwork, my door bell rings at eight on the dot; he is a very punctual man. “Hello there, handsome,” I say seductively, opening the door. I stand there for a minute. Nard doesn’t look like himself; his eyes look strange, yet familiar.

  “What’s up,” he says coldly, brushing past me.

  Now I am stuck. I don’t understand what’s going on. I usually have the upper hand in this situation. Tears are now pouring down my face like a waterfall.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you? Who knew your ass even cried, and what the fuck are you crying for anyway?” Nard asks harshly.

  I can’t even respond. My words are caught in my throat and all I can do is cry. Standing there frozen, staring at him, I can’t move as the strong stench of Scotch whiskey paralyzes me. Out of nowhere, I begin to have an outer body experience.

  “Hello mother,” I say to my mom as I enter the house from school.

  “How are you doing, baby girl,” she replies.

  “I’m good; going to get my homework done before dad comes home; hoping we can have a good night tonight.” I reply nervously.

  “No matter what, baby girl, just remember I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you; you understand me?” my mom asks.

  “Yes, Mom, I know. Why are you saying this? You’re scaring me.”

  Mother doesn’t have to answer. As I stand in front of her, I can see the fear in her eyes as the smell of Scotch whiskey infiltrates my nostrils. I turn to greet my father, but he angrily brushes past me and goes straight to my mother, descending punch after punch, sending her toppling to the floor, knocking a tooth out of her mouth. Using his legs, he pins her down, trying to prevent her from moving freely. Mother is able to wiggle her arm and extend her hand to try to block the punches, but he is too quick and much stronger than her. He twists her arm behind her back forcefully with all of his might to the point where I can hear her bones cracking as she screams out in excruciating pain.

  I want to run over to help mother but I am frozen; I can’t move. I try to scream for him to stop, but the words won’t come out. There’s blood everywhere and Mother isn’t moving any more.

  When I snap back to reality, I realize I have lost complete control of myself and my emotions. I am standing over Nard, kicking and punching him.

  “You will not control me! You will not abuse me and kill me like you did my mother. I hate men and I hate you. I will do all of you bastards the same way you did my mother,” I cry as I continue to rain blows on Nard’s drunken face, which looks like my father’s face right now.

  Nard snaps out of his drunken stupor after I wail on him for about five minutes straight. He takes his right leg and wraps it around my legs, grabbing my wrist, causing my knees to buckle, granting him greater leverage to pin me down on the floor. I completely lose it; this is exactly the same way my father hurt my mom, and I won’t allow history to repeat itself. Nard must have heard me thinking.

  “Nae, I am going to let you a loose, but promise me you will keep your hands to yourself. I am not your father! I would never hurt you intentionally. I need you to calm-the-fuck-down. Now, get on your knees and suck this dick real good for being a bad girl!” he demands.

  Hearing the words escape his lips brings me back to the present, and I am turned on with the quickness.

  “Yes, daddy; your wish is my command,” I reply seductively.

  “Shut the fuck up! Turn around and lie on your stomach,” Nard says cruelly, forcefully helping me turn over. With my face now to the floor, he takes his left knee and places it into my lower back, taking both of my arms and placing handcuffs on my wrists. I love to role-play, so I hurriedly get into character.

  “What did I do, Mr. Police Officer?” I say, trying to sound frightened.

  “What part of ‘shut the fuck up’ don’t you understand?” he demands, turning me over to shove his dick into my mouth. It is difficult for me to get into a groove lying in the position I’m in, along with the way he is crouched over me, but I try my best to please him so he can in return please me that much the more. Frustrated that his manhood keeps slipping out my mouth, Nard snatches me up by my hair into a sitting position and fucks my face with no mercy, ramming himself in and out of my mouth with so much force, causing me to gag and vomit at the same time. This must turn the sick bastard on. He begins to ejaculate in my mouth before removing himself to finish releasing his remaining seed all over my face.

  Sitting there mortified and embarrassed, I can’t control the fresh tears now cascading down my face. Nard just looks at me coldly with a devious smirk on his face as he removes the cuffs from my wrist.

  “Thanks, Nae; I really needed that shit after the day I had,” he says, pulling himself together and walking out the door.

  “I cannot believe he humiliated me like this,” I cry, pulling myself off the floor. “There’s no way I’m staying in this house alone. I have to go see and talk to Tae; I really need her right now,” I say to myself.

  Chapter Twenty-One ~ Darnell Can’t Win

  Sometimes it takes falling apart to see exactly how or what loosened the mortar. Sometimes we find we are responsible for the how and the what. As unpleasant as it is when it happens, one cannot help but appreciate these times,

  for what you learn serves as a beacon. Of course this is only half the battle,

  which means you're already halfway there.

  — Colleen Truscott Fry

  

  “What the fuck is going on, Nae? Why are you here?” I ask angrily.


  “It doesn’t matter. I need to talk to Tae right now, so please get your ugly, black ass out of my face,” she replies through tears.

  Not giving a fuck about her or her tears—she has caused more problems in one day that any person should in a lifetime—I grab her by her neck to toss her nasty ass out of my house.

  “Get your fucking hands off me, Black! Why are you choking me?” *she screams just as Tae walks into the foyer.

  “Fuck!” I say to myself, now looking in Tae’s direction.

  “How could you do this to me, Darnell?” is all I hear as she runs out of the house past me, still in her robe. I release my grip on Nae’s neck and run as fast as I can in hopes of catching my almost-naked wife.

  “It’s not what you think, baby! Please let me explain,” I plead as she speeds backwards out the driveway in my damn truck. “Now what the fuck am I going to do?” I ask in a panic.

  ‘This shit is crazy. Tae’s car is still at Elite,’ I think before locking eyes on Nae’s car parked in front of the house with the key still in the ignition. Bingo! I jump in her car without a second thought. The only thing I am concerned about right now is my wife’s safety. “She’s in no condition to be alone or driving,” I say to myself, causing me to press harder on the gas petal.

  Now doing seventy-five miles an hour, I have to pump the brakes to slow down as I come to a traffic light, just realizing I’ve pulled up alongside Tae. I put the car in park, hop out the car, and proceed to walk over to the truck, just as the light turns green and she speeds off. Hurriedly I jump back into the car; so as not to allow Tae the advantage of getting out of my sight, I increase my speed and I am now tailing her. As we reach the junction of Merrick Boulevard and Springfield, she is forced to stop at another traffic light. Slamming on the breaks to prevent myself from running into the back of her, I lose control of the car, swerving to the right. Trying to avoid a collision, I swipe an oncoming car, causing me to spin out of control, flipping the car over. That is the last thing I recall happening before everything goes black.