Torn: I Dont Need You, But I Want You Read online

  He is no father to me. He is a monster who does things to my body and my head to make me think bad things about myself and everyone else, starting from when I was ten years old. He told my mother I came home from school with all the bruises on my face, arms, and neck. He claims that before I passed out, I told him I was jumped by some kids on my way home. I didn’t get to see who it was because they came out of nowhere hitting me, until a couple walking past pulled them off me.

  As my mother repeats the lie to me, I cry even harder. I don’t understand why this is happening to me. Why does he hate me so much? Am I that bad? Mommy kisses me on my forehead and promises me she won’t rest until she finds whoever did this to me and they will pay! I glance over to my right and see the fake tears run down the monster’s face, and him trying to look like he cares and is upset by what happened to me—when he’s the one who did it.

  I start screaming at the top of my lungs, and that’s when mommy gets on the bed with me and pulls me closer to her, apologizing that she wasn’t there for me as tears rain down from her face.

  “I need you to be honest with me, Tae: how long have you known you were pregnant?” Mommy questions.

  Right then and there, I begin to throw up all over Mommy’s chest and the arm I was lying on. Before I can respond, the monster cuts me off and says, “Princess Tae, we aren’t upset with you, but when I find out who the young man is who got you pregnant, I am going to hurt him badly.”

  I just look at him and cry even harder, burying my face in the same spot of my mommy’s chest and arm I just finished vomiting on. Not only did he do all these things to me, along with making me do all of those embarrassing things to him, but he also put a baby in me and killed it. Right now I wish I was dead with my baby.

  After being released from the hospital, I have to take it easy and can’t return back to school for six weeks. I was provided a home tutor. Mommy takes off from work to take care of me, and little does she know, protect me from the monster. Daddy spends more time out of the house; he says he is taking on another shift at work so Mommy can stay home with me. I love it when he isn’t in the house, and I start to feel like a normal fifteen-year-old girl. After a while, my daddy starts to act like a father to me again and not the monster.

  Maybe God didn’t forget about me, maybe he does love me after all. I am feeling much better, fully recovered. My mom and dad have been great, and now I can go back to school. Since Mommy changed her hours at work, she is now home when I get in from school. She says I am no longer allowed to walk home by myself and she picks me up from school.

  Chapter Sixteen ~ BK and the BJ

  Lick that kitty cat until she purrs meow, beat it up so bad she wanna curse me out.

  — Trey Songz

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  I knew it! I knew it! I fucking knew it! You can’t tell me I don’t know good pussy when I see that shit. I must have had this unique gift from birth. That’s why I was so tight when Tavia wouldn’t come up out of them panties and let me beat it up right when we were freshmen in high school. But she knew what she was missing; that’s why I just finished beating that wet shit-the-fuck-up. When I am done with her ass, she won’t even remember Officer Bitch Ass. My shit is on point, and she is falling right into the palm of this man’s hands, so I can slap it, flip it, and rub it-the-fuck-down. Shit is going better than I thought it would, especially since I didn’t have to fuck anybody up, including Officer Bitch Boy. I know one thing is for sure: one way or another, Tavia is, and always will be, mine! Fuck what you heard!

  That shit went down perfectly, if I do say so myself, and to top it off, she initiated that shit. She knew what it was from the gate when she gave me those digits. All I had to do was make the phone call. Damn, my dick is crazy hard thinking about that shit! We met in Dunkin Donuts, and I purposely got there a little early so I could see that gushy-shit walk in the door. I knew she would be leaking just looking at a brother. I also knew she would be late; that’s just Tavia— late all the damn time; ain’t shit changed.

  She was looking nervous-as-fuck sitting across from me, but the way she kissed and sucked on my lips when I sat next to her showed me just how much she was missing me. I knew from there it was on. The funny shit about it was when she tried to cop a feel and felt how big my man is, she didn’t flinch or sweat it at all. I played along and teased her about it, knowing good and well her ass would catch an attitude, but that was all part of the plan. I didn’t waste any time when we got to her job in letting her know just how blessed I am, but again, she didn’t sweat that shit one bit and put this fat dick in her mouth. Yo, her head game is on point! She swallowed and gargled all my seeds like a muthafuckin professional. That shit right there turned me to into the Incredible Hulk, and I went into beast mode, smashing that pussy-the-fuck-up.

  I started off by pushing her legs all the way back so she was lying on the desk with her lower back off it. She was lying on the top part of her back, neck, and head as I laced her pussy with extremely quick jabs right down the middle for about two minutes. I pulled out real quick, teasing that pussy and making her beg for more; then I shoved my dick in her while I played with her pussy and squeezed on her nipples, driving that pussy insane. When I felt she’d had enough, I slid back inside her and fucked her hard with slow grinds to allow her to try to catch up and match my strokes. She must have started doing them Kegel things bitches be talking about while I was in her; her pussy started gripping my dick like it was in a chokehold, causing me to bust hard all up in her shit. I hope she’s on the pill; if not, she, no doubt, just got knocked-the-fuck-up.

  Baby girl must have had her Wheaties today. She was trying to take a brother the-fuck-out. After that good nut I’d just finished busting in her, she got on her knees and gave me the best head this big-dick-carrying-man could ask for. I knew right then and there Tavia is still in love because a brother like me regards good-dick-sucking as the highest form of expressing your love. Her ass showed me just how-fucking-much in love she is, too.

  “Lie down on the desk,” she instructed.

  “It’s your world, little momma. I’m just a squirrel trying to give you another nut.”

  She took my dick in her hand and stared at it like she was worshipping the very essence of this fat dick. Tavia started cupping on my balls with one hand, and using her tongue to lick up, down, and all around like a fucking Blow Pop. When she got to the underside of my dick, she put her lips together and started sucking real soft in that area; that fucked my head up real good. Then she did some fly shit and put my dick her mouth without tightening her lips, moving her head in a circle like a fucking clock or something, causing my shit to float all around in her mouth.

  It seemed like she did that shit forever until she decided to switch the game up, using her tongue to find the underside of my balls. She then rested her wet tongue on my balls, licking up and down to the tip of my dick, using both of her hands. It looked like she was trying to wring my shit out, like it was a rag or something, and that shit felt so-fucking-good. I can’t even explain that shit, but it had me harder than I have ever been.

  Tavia knew she had me fucked up and decided to go in for the kill when she slid my dick slowly all the way into her mouth, twisting her head from side-to-side, deep-throating my shit, and made sure her tongue stayed in contact with the ridge where the head of my dick meets the shaft. She would switch between that and her hands, moving them up and down the shaft of my dick. Fuck that, I couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed her by her braids and shoved my dick all the way down her throat, to the point where it felt like her throat or tonsils were playing with my dick. Before I knew it, I was busting in her mouth once again.

  Chapter Seventeen ~ Darnell Hates the Truth

  When a secret is revealed, it is the fault of the man who confided it.

  — French Proverb

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  Latavia must have lost her mind. I have been calling her and she’s never picked up nor return
ed any of my calls or texts. I even called Nae’s trifling ass back and she sent me straight to voicemail. I know one thing: Latavia’s ass had better be unconscious or something, because I will kill her ass. Let me calm-the-hell-down. I know I will lose my mind if something has happened to that woman. I have been driving around for a half hour now, looking everywhere, and Latavia is nowhere to be found. Now that I think about it, she’s probably over at Elite Too, getting it situated before their grand opening. On that note, I make a quick U-turn to head in that direction; there really is no other place she can be.

  I am in complete shock and mad as fuck when I pull up to the traffic light down the block from Elite Too. Latavia and Nae’s ghetto asses are thumping right down the street from their place of business. I would expect that behavior from Nae, but definitely not Latavia.

  “What the hell is going on?” I say to myself. I have to sit here for a minute; I can’t believe this crazy shit. Even though Latavia is spanking Nae’s ass, I have to break this mess up. Before I can get close enough to do so, they let each other go and that gutter rat hits my baby below the belt. I don’t know if I’m more shocked by what she says or because she said it. Nae yells in anger, calling Latavia out of her name and accusing her of sleeping with her own father for years. At this point, it looks like Latavia sees red. Before I can grab hold of her, she goes on some WWF shit and rushes Nae’s ass, picks her up, and slams her to the ground. Latavia straight power-drives her, then goes straight to stomping her out. Damn, my baby is a beast! I think I just fell in love all over again. That shit makes me hard, but I have to snatch Rocky up real quick and put her in the truck before she hurts that poor girl too bad.

  I am silent as I drive home with Latavia crying hysterically. We will have to get her car tomorrow; I just have to get her out of here for now. I have no idea how Nae’s ass is getting home. I didn’t see her car, and honestly, I really don’t give a damn. Although I have a million questions, I don’t even know what to say to Latavia. At least now I know why she couldn’t answer my calls or text messages. Tyson’s ass was in the ring putting in that work. I have to laugh to myself at that one. That shit was crazy as hell, but I will give her time to calm down.

  Until we walk into the house, I had forgotten all about the romantic evening I had planned. As soon as Latavia sees the house, her eyes light up like flying saucers, and she starts to cry uncontrollably and apologizing.

  “I’m so sorry, Darnell. What have I done? Please forgive me. I love you so much! I will never do anything like that again.”

  “Baby, it’s okay. You’ve done nothing wrong; please try to calm down,” I reply, trying to comfort her.

  Our vows said for better or for worse, and I don’t think it can get any worse than this. I feel horrible right now for my baby. She’s taking all of this so hard. She starts off blaming herself like she was somehow responsible for what happened to her with her dad. Now looking at the evening I had planned, it looks like she is blaming herself for that— as if any of this is her fault.

  “You have no reason to apologize, Latavia. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I reassure her, leading her by the hand upstairs.

  I run her a bubble bath before undressing her. I relight the candles I already have in the bathroom, and place the bottle of Merlot and a glass on the counter next to the sink for her, trying to make it as easy for her as possible. Right about now, I know she needs a drink—or the whole bottle after all this shit. God knows I damn-sure do. While she is in the bathroom unwinding, I’m going to go back downstairs to try to clean up the aftermath of our ruined romantic evening.

  After two hours in the bathroom, Latavia is now coming down the stairs to join me on the sofa. Her tear-stained face upsets me so much; I hate that I can’t fix it and make it better for her.

  “How was your bath, baby?”

  “Not bad,” she whispers.

  Sitting beside me, she rests her head on my chest as she relives some of the most horrific experiences anyone should ever have to go through. Listening to her clears up so many things—like her fear of being home alone, the excessive drinking, her always feeling judged and rejected, and most importantly, not wanting to have children. I am all-man and don’t have an ounce of bitch in me, but I can’t help the tears that stubbornly refuse to stay hidden as I sit there in silence, listening to my baby relive her very own horror story.

  “Babe, I hope you don’t hate me. I knew the day would come when I would have to be open and honest with you about my past, although I’d hoped and prayed it wouldn’t. Just know I love you with everything in me, and all I wanted to do was leave my past where it belongs—and that’s in the past. But since you heard what Nae said, I don’t want to leave you in the dark any more than I already have,” she confesses, looking down towards the floor as fresh tears continue to stream down her now-swollen eyes of her scared, hurt, and yet-still-so-beautiful face.

  “Take your time, baby. You don’t have to talk now if you don’t feel like it. I’m here; I am not going anywhere.”

  “Thank you, Darnell, but it’s time to get this out in the open. My life growing up was so horrific that I usually tell people my parents died in a car accident.

  “My mother, well Mommy is what I usually called her, worked as a nurse practitioner, and she usually worked the overnight shift. She also worked a lot of overtime if and when she wasn’t in school, before she overdosed on the pain medicine they said she had been stealing from her job. I personally don’t believe it was true, but anyway, on my tenth birthday, Mommy planned the best party for me at the roller rink.

  “All of my friends were there from school, including Nae; she lived two blocks over from me growing up. We found out one day walking home together from school how close we lived to one another, which happened to be the same day we became sister-friends. Well, anyway, on the day of my birthday party, like clockwork, Mommy was called into work and had to leave before the party even started. I was so upset because her job or school always kept her away from the house, and when she was home, all she did was sleep. She tried to make up for it with gifts and occasional mommy-daughter days out, and she always did it real big for my birthday. My father kind of rushed things along because he didn’t want to be left there with all of my friends and their parents. He said Mommy was the hostess, not him.

  “At the house after the party concluded, mommy had returned home for a few hours; but she had to go back to work for her regular shift. My parents went to their room and I happily ran to mine to open up the rest of my birthday presents. The last gift I opened happened to be from my mommy and the monster—I mean my father—and it was a brand-new cellphone. I was so excited because none of my friends had one and we all wanted one so bad. In my excitement, I ran straight into my parents’ room to thank them, and they were in the middle of having sex.

  “I can remember all of it like it was yesterday. My father very angrily yelled at me to go to my room and not come out until told otherwise. Mommy, on the other hand, was completely embarrassed, as was I; she didn’t say a word. I apologized, ran to my room, and cried. I heard them arguing and mommy reassuring him that they could finish where they’d left off; he didn’t want to hear any of it at all.

  “That turned out to be the worse birthday of my life and I have hated my birthday ever since. About an hour or so later, after Mommy had left to go back to work, the monster walked into my room. He was firecracker mad, yelling and screaming at me.

  “‘Since you don’t know how to knock on doors and didn’t allow me to get my medicine, your grown ass will be punished and taught a lesson,’ he threatened.

  “He wasn’t wearing a shirt, just his khaki pants with a brown belt. As he began to remove his belt, I automatically assumed I was going to get a spanking on my birthday, so I began to cry uncontrollably. The monster—or my father to most—grabbed me by my hair and barked, ‘Shut the fuck up! You should have cried before you walked into our bedroom!’

  “That was when the abuse began. He sn
atched all of my clothes off me like he didn’t know me and he wasn’t my father. He had this cold look in his eyes as he threw me back onto my bed and made me lie face down as he forced himself into me. It felt like I was being ripped apart. I bled for an entire week because of it. When Mommy eventually saw the blood-stained sheets, she thought it was the result of me getting my period for the first time. I just hid my face from her out of embarrassment. How could I tell my mommy that my dad—the man who was supposed to love and protect me—had raped his daughter and only child? I was so afraid and I’ve always thought it was all my fault,” she wept.

  At this point, Latavia becomes even more frantic after reliving those horrendous events, and asks if we can finish talking in the morning. This is a lot for her to deal with all at once. I agree with her and just hold her as those damn stubborn tears continue to race down my face. This is a lot for both of us and I’m sure I won’t be prepared for the rest of this sick nightmare. I am so vexed right now. If her father isn’t deceased already, I will find the coward and blow his brains out.

  Chapter Eighteen ~ Nard Can’t Feel

  Sometimes, you just have to stop caring, you have to turn off all emotion

  and feeling to protect yourself from getting hurt.

  — Author Unknown

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  I can’t believe, even after all of these years, I’m still running behind Nae’s mean ass. From the first day I met her, I wanted to fuck her. It’s just a little unfortunate she smashed my boy D. It didn’t mean anything to either of them so, on that note, we will continue to govern ourselves accordingly and act like the shit never happened. Honestly, I wasn’t going to mess with her at first, but when she lifted that skirt, exposing her clean-shaven man-cave, what was a brother supposed to do? Exactly what I did—jump in and jump out—and I have been jumping in and out of her shit ever since. I gave her pussy the man-cave nickname because after a bad day or night on the job, that’s where I like to hide the out.