Torn: I Dont Need You, But I Want You Read online

  Pulling off, completely mortified, I have to thank and praise God from Whom all blessings flow for petitioning Darnell to have limo tints installed on these windows; otherwise, Officer Martinez would have gotten a glimpse of me tearing my clit up, thanks to BK.

  The thought of Darnell hits me like a ton of bricks, changing my entire mood from horny to upset, ashamed, guilty, and paranoid, all at the same time. He would kill me if he knew I’d allowed another man to bring me to a climax and for touching myself. Yes, that’s right, for touching myself; you heard me right. Darnell feels I don’t have a need to touch myself or use toys because I have a man to satisfy my every need, along with needs I didn’t even know I have. He said touching myself and using vibrators is just as bad as cheating on him. His toy is my toy, battery-free, and I can use it whenever and wherever my little heart desires. I honestly don’t know what just came over me, but it stops here. I love my husband way too much to be doing some mess like this or to violate the vows we made before God, our family, and friends.

  Chapter Eight ~ Orally Yours, Nariah

  Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature.

  — Marilyn Monroe

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  I hate knowing that Tae is still having them damn nightmares as a result of what that bastard did to her. I’m genuinely shocked she didn’t kill his nasty ass. That situation alone is one of the reasons why I don’t trust a man as far as I can throw him. I treat them the way they need to be treated, and that’s like a quick piece of dick. The only thing they are good for is to give me an orgasm, when they can get that shit right. I don’t need a man to take care of me. I am self-sufficient. Some people would say I’m selfish, but I don’t give a fuck; I do me.

  With my lifestyle, I really don’t want or need kids in my life; that’s why it wasn’t that hard for me to terminate my pregnancy after my one-night stand with Black’s ass. I know one thing is certain: the man Tae married is nowhere near the guy I met online. It made the whole situation that much easier to overlook and act as if it had never happened. In actuality, it never did; plus, the fact that his dick game wasn’t that good in the first place to boot.

  I have been dealing with this guy Walter for almost six months now. Of course, I still have my other shorties, including Nard, who I fuck with from time-to-time when I’m bored. Nard’s ass was open from the time I hiked up my skirt, bent over the sofa, and told him to come stick his chocolate bar in this warm, sweet pussy so I could make that shit melt. That was funny as hell, especially when Darnell walked down the stairs. Nard almost passed out mid-stroke. Just thinking about it to this day still makes me laugh. It doesn’t really matter because he is just a fuck, like they all are. I need variety, like Baskin Robbins or a bag of Lays’ potato chips; I can’t have just one. Dick doesn’t have a face, it just has a purpose, which is to beat this cat into a coma, and if it’s any good, give me multiple orgasms.

  Walter is a bit older than I am, but he has the energy and the body of a thirty-year-old, and my man is taming this kitten like no other, so I have to keep his old ass around on my to-do list. I ran into Walter six months ago while across town looking at properties as Tae and I were looking to expand Elite Glamour Events. We are doing very well, so the expansion will be another notch under our belt. The new location works to my advantage because Walter lives out that way and so does this other cutie I met in Dunkin’ Donuts last week. I ended up giving that little cutie the honor and the privilege of eating my poison right up in that piece, too.

  That afternoon was quite comical and couldn’t have happened at a better time. There I was sitting in the back corner booth, putting together quotes on my laptop, having my daily caramel-iced-latte fix, when I could feel someone’s eyes piercing right through me. I looked up and this five-foot-seven, dark-skinned, chocolate-macchiato, thick chick was staring at me like she wanted to take a bite out of crime. You know good-and-damn-well I made it easy for her and stood up, closed my laptop, and placed it in my briefcase, all without taking my eyes off Miss Mahogany. That bitch looked good enough to eat. One thing I like is a thick, dark-skinned chick and a thick, light-skinned dick—yes, Lord, the best of both worlds. I could see right then I had to make sure I introduced her to Walter; he would adore her ass.

  Walking over to the area where Miss Mahogany was sitting, I introduced myself as Honey, before sitting down and making myself comfortable. “I taste sweeter than I look,” I kindly informed her.

  Skipping the formalities Miss Mahogany did exactly what I expected her to do: she slid down to her knees under the table and lifted my skirt up. Thank God, I rarely wear panties and keep a dress on for easy access. You never know when an opportunity may arise, so I have to stay prepared. Miss Mahogany found what she was looking for and didn’t waste any time licking and slurping on my clit, hitting every spot like she knew how to please a hoe. That tongue ring she had in her wet mouth needs to be locked-the-fuck-up because it was taking me to places that have got to be illegal. I loved every minute of that shit; it gave my hot box so much life, causing me to rush her jaws in a matter of minutes.

  I was so glad Dunkin Donuts was unusually empty that day, and we had a seat in the far back. That taste test felt too good to be trying to stop to go get a room or to even move. God knew I needed that; I had way too much pent-up stress. Miss Mahogany finished her meal and wiped her mouth like a real lady should after making a mess of herself.

  “Make sure you give me a call sooner or later so we can finish where we left off,” I instructed, slipping her my business card across the table as I prepared to be on my way to see Walter’s old ass. That shit had made me even hornier; I needed some long dick from the back. That was why I had to make it my business to get Mahogany and Walter to meet; being with both of them together would have me squirting all over the place. Oh yes, it’s on!

  Chapter Nine ~ Tae’s Hurting Inside

  I don’t paint dreams or nightmares. I paint my own reality.

  —Frido Kahlo

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  Mommy has to do a double today at work and won't be home until tomorrow night, which means she is going to leave me here with him. I should just run into traffic; that way I’ll be able to be at the hospital with my mommy and away from him. I hate him so much.

  For five years now, I have been going through this, and my mommy doesn’t even realize it. I am older and my body is filling out faster than most girls my age. It causes me to get a lot of attention from the boys my age, and I dislike it. I hate my body even more. I try to hide it by wearing larger clothes, but that just seems to draw more attention. Now that I am fifteen, he makes me do things to him that make me throw up, but I have to swallow my vomit. If I don’t, he beats me and puts his man-part in my butt. That is the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life! He really has to be gay. Why would a man want to do that? I hate him so much, but I hate my life even more. What did I do to deserve this? Why can’t I be normal like my friends?

  I should run away, but where would I go? If I do and get caught, I will be in even bigger trouble, so I opt out and take what appears to be the longest walk home from school that I have ever done. When I reach the house and unlock the door, I see this pervert sitting on the couch with no clothes on with his dirty, long man-part hanging out. I try to run to my bedroom and lock the door, but I’m not fast enough. He grabs me by my hair and slams me onto the sofa.

  “Don’t move until I tell you to, little bitch,” he spits as he walks over to the television and turns on a DVD. With his back still turned to me and his hairy butt cheeks facing me, he demands, “Remove all of your clothing, then sit right back down!”

  Scared half to death, I close my eyes and obey, holding back my tears. I know tears will make my punishment that much more severe. I flinch out of reflex when he finally sits down next to me. I’m afraid of what he’s going to do to me. He makes me sit there and watch people on TV having sex, moving my hand up and down on his nasty pole.


  “You had better been paying attention to everything on that DVD because your job is to do the same exact same thing to me that the woman did in the DVD,” he instructs as he stops the DVD.

  I would rather die than to do that to him, and I guess today will be that day. I am not doing all of that nasty stuff to him. Why doesn’t he let Mommy do this stuff to him? Why do I have to do it? Out of nowhere, he slaps me so hard I fall to the floor; then he yanks me back up by my hair onto my knees. Now I am face-to-face with his nasty man-part.

  “Open your mouth wide and do every single thing you saw on the television, cunt!”

  I do as I was told until I see he has his eyes closed. Then I bite down on that nasty thing as hard as I can. That makes him scream so loud that it scares me. He punches me in the side of my head so hard that I fall back onto the floor. The last thing I remember is him punching me in the stomach over and over until I pass out.

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  “Damn it, another dream!” I cry. This one was a lot longer than they usually are, and I am so sick of all of it. “Why do they continue to haunt and torture me?” I ask myself.

  I was awakened by the vibrating of my Blackberry, but I ignore it. My bed is now soaking wet as if I have had an accident on myself. I touch my panties just to see if I did. I am embarrassed when I realize my grown ass done had a nightmare and pissed on myself like I am ten years old. That’s when he started feeling over my body and he did that for years, until I turned fifteen. I don’t want to think about it any longer. I have to do something else; I can’t allow myself to become depressed again.

  One thing I can say is I am happy Darnell is still away right now. I probably would have jumped out of the window if he were in bed lying next to me and I’d peed on myself. I get up, remove the linens from the bed, and pile them into a garbage bag to throw away. I don’t want to see those sheets ever again. How the heck am I going to be able to clean this mattress without leaving a stain or destroying it with bleach? I don’t want it to be noticeable if and when Darnell changes the sheets.

  Instead of driving myself crazy, I’m going to do the next best thing and call Sleepy’s to see if I can purchase the same mattress, have it delivered today, and have them remove the old one. I am overjoyed when the sales manager says it won’t be a problem at all; they can have it delivered before the close of business today. Darnell returns from his vacation tomorrow, so I need to make sure everything is in place. I don’t want anything to interfere with the festivities I have planned for him. I miss my baby, and I am so glad BK hasn’t texted or called me since seeing him the night I ran into him. I was really tripping that day.

  While putting my room back in order, I remember my phone had gone off and retrieve it from the nightstand. I’m alerted to an incoming text message, which has me shaken and frozen for what seems like an eternity. Damn, I think about this man and his fine behind must have sensed it!

  The text message is from BK asking, Is it possible for you to sneak away and meet me for coffee tonight around 6:00 p.m.? I could really use a friend right about now.

  Chapter Ten ~ Braxton Kirkland’s Luck

  You know you're really in love with someone, when you would do anything

  to hold onto that person, even though deep in your heart,

  you know, they have already let go of you.

  — Rashida Rowe

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  What the fuck just happened? I have been looking for this woman for the past three years and had yet to run into her. I am so glad I ran out of condoms and made that quick stop at Duane Reade. I purposely moved back to New York to find Tavia after things went sour with my soon-to-be ex-wife.

  A year back, I ran into Nae’s dick-sucking-ass; she refused to give me Tavia’s number or tell me anything about her other than she was a happily-married woman. Bitch! Who the fuck asked you all of that bullshit? Her nasty, trifling ass was still on her shit, talking about I could be a real man and finish what I’d started with Tavia on her because she was the closest I was going to get to Tavia. She was completely unavailable and off limits. Being the gentleman I am, I let her dome me off real quick, busted in her mouth and kept it moving. She can play that hard shit with the next man.

  Nae is a dime, and she knows it; she’s just fucked-up in the head. I already wifed-up a head case, and there is no way in hell I am going to get sidetracked by another one. Nah, I’m good! I don’t get why she is the way she is. The bitch is fine as hell and could probably pull any man she wanted, as long as they don’t get to know how her scheming ass gets down. Nae is a five-foot-nine redbone with legs for days. She’s real slim with no ass at all, but those big-ass titties make up for that, along with those sexy-ass gray eyes of hers.

  When she polished me off, I had to close my eyes and act like it was Tavia, just to get my shit hard. When I opened them and saw Nae’s face, I skeeted in her mouth and bounced. I’m a great man; I just have a low tolerance for bitches who play hard on some tough shit. Get out of here with all of that trying-to-be-a-big-boy shit and know your role!

  Enough about that hoe! Tavia is the true love of my life, and I fucked that shit up over some pussy. It wasn’t like I wasn’t already getting any on the low; I was just so on a mission to be the first one to pop her cherry that I let my pride get in the way and lost her ass for some willing, bipolar pussy—the same pussy I was stuck with for the last twenty years. I married Sharon right out of high school when she turned up pregnant. My parents felt it was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, six months into the pregnancy, she lost the baby and that shit ate the both of us up real bad.

  I never loved Sharon, but I stayed because I felt sorry for her. Yes, I have a goddamn heart! I was giving her ass time to get her shit together and back on track after the loss of our child so we could go our separate ways, but that shit never happened. Every time I was ready to bounce, she had one tragedy after another, so I was stuck with the bitch. Yes, she is a bitch! While I was married to her, I was faithful to her stank-pussy-smelling ass. One day I got in from work tired-as-fuck, and this bitch had the next man up in the crib. I started to peel both their wigs back, but I used it as the perfect opportunity to get the fuck out.

  Sharon is convinced I drove her to it and that I’d never loved her because she could never match up to my precious Latavia. Bitch, I did not drive you to another man’s dick! If that’s the case, your rotten-smelling pussy should have dropped kicked me into some other pussy. Please save that shit for the next man! But she was motherfucking right: she is not and could never be my baby, Tavia! I just hope her dude, Mr. Police Officer Darnell, is up for a fight. I’m not giving up this time—not unless I’m six-feet deep, my dude. I put that shit on everything I love. The way I see it, I ain’t got shit to lose, but you do, muthafucka.

  Chapter Eleven ~ Darnell a.k.a. Ronnie Romance

  If I know what love is, it is because of you.

  — Herman Hesse

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  It feels so good to be back at home; I missed the hell out of my wife. I have been horny as a hell since we boarded the plane. You would think I didn’t get any of that sugar hole from my wife before I left home, when I did. Latavia just better be ready to spread eagle. I’m about to live up in that sweet stuff of hers. Don’t get me wrong—I did enjoy my time away with the fellas, but that shit will make you miss your woman in the worst way. It got to the point where I was dreaming about that shit; that woman has me sprung. I would never have thought I would get caught slipping like this. I guess it happens to the best of us when you have yourself a good woman and real love.

  When I get to the house, I rush inside, trying to get to my baby, taking two steps at a time. I really missed the hell out of Latavia. To my surprise, when I get to our bedroom, the bed is still made, and it looks like she ain’t been nowhere near it. Where is she? Wait, let me relax. She is probably out with Nae, considering she can’t go too long being in this house alone. I have never been the jealous type, but I wil
l really fuck something up over that woman.

  Since Latavia’s not home yet, I will take this as an opportunity to plan a romantic evening to show her just how much I missed her sexy ass. I order two dozen long-stem roses to be delivered to the house before five along with a bucket of rose petals. The florist said they now sell the petals by the bucket, so I’m about to make it do what it do and put them shits everywhere. I’m just not cleaning that mess up tomorrow. I’ll hire a little cleaning company and have them get the place back together to give my baby a break.

  Next on my list is to change the sheets and put the silk ones on that Latavia usually throws on when she plans this type of evening for me. Yes, a brother does pay attention to all that shit, but I have something better up my sleeve for her tonight. As I remove the sheets, I notice the mattress looks unfamiliar and practically new. The burn mark that was on the mattress on my side of the bed from the night I fell asleep with a cigar in my hand isn’t there. I know I am probably tripping and in cop mode as Latavia would say, so I’m going to chill on that for right now.

  As I switch gears, putting my romantic evening in motion, I start off by removing all of the furniture out of the living room and into the dining room so I can set up a small picnic blanket in its place for a romantic floor picnic. Just call me Ronnie Muthafuckin Romance tonight. I’m about to romance the shit out of my beautiful wife. Since I know Latavia is fascinated with candles and they relax her, I’m going to take all those little shits out of the china cabinet and set them up all around the living room floor, around and near the blanket, but not too close. I’m not trying to be Fire Marshal Bill in this piece.

  Once the rose petals arrive, I will sprinkle them all over the floor, from the entrance up to our bedroom, and in the bath water I will have run and have waiting for her. I’m going to take the rose petals, spell ‘I love you’ on the bed, and have a bottle of Merlot along with two wine glasses on the nightstand. Guess I’ll have a drink of that nasty shit with my baby tonight, but after that, it’s Hennessey for me. I can’t drink that weak crap for too long. I don’t have enough time to cook, so I’m having dinner prepared at our favorite restaurant, Teddy’s, which will arrive within the next hour. I had them prepare two lobster tails, a couple of steaks and potatoes, along with a Caesar salad—got to make sure my baby gets her roughage in.